I’ve focused too much on my grief. Matt had to deal with grief AND addiction. He’d lost two of his friends to overdoses, lost his bid at being a Marine, lost his grandfather, who’d been at almost every one of his baseball games, lost jobs, cars and loads of intangibles; like self worth, confidence and hope. How would I have dealt with all that loss?! I think I’d be immobilized. And I don’t have my body and brain crying out for an opioid. How did he even have any fight left for the addiction when he’d been gut punched by so many things. But he did!
I can remember him so sick with withdrawal symptoms that he could hardly make it to the washroom. I said, “Matt, you need support for detox. Let’s go to the hospital.” He insisted, “No. I can make it.” And he did make it —through three days of misery before feeling some better and beginning again with a determination to stay clean.
It reminded me of seeing him wrestling for his varsity high school team. Though he was only a sophomore and it was his first year in the sport, when up against guys who’d been wrestling for years, I’d watch with amazement as he would hold his own for multiple rounds by brute strength and sheer determination. He showed this kind of ironclad resolve even though he would lose more matches than win. And losing didn’t deter him from keeping up his grueling physical conditioning (starvation), rigorous workouts and training right to the end. This demonstration of resolve and excellent character didn’t go unnoticed by the coaches, who recognized him with the Coaches Award at the end of the season.
Back to his battle with addiction, it was like Matt was wrestling against a seasoned opponent, giving it everything he had, showing more determination than I ever had for anything, holding out for multiple rounds, but in the end, losing the match.
I’m proud of Matt for his grit, his fight, his character. I think he deserves another Coaches Award!