My nieces and nephews took the initiative to throw a party for my father to celebrate his 90th birthday. It would include all their cousins, and the aunts & uncles on the Lyons side of the family. The following letter is my response to their invitation. It was sent via email to almost everyone that was invited.
Dear Nieces & Nephews, I would have much preferred to have our current family crisis resolved before Grandpa’s 90th birthday celebration. And initially I thought I would try to be a part of the celebration, focusing on the positive and working toward restoration. However, I believe that to attend would minimize the reality of the very painful divide in our family and would only serve to perpetuate it. So, I have decided it would be best not to participate in the upcoming celebration. Of course Grandpa turning 90 years old is worth celebrating, as well as our Christian heritage and Grandpa’s & Gramma’s 64 year marriage; but also we desperately need to give loving attention to our problems: excused sin, generational strongholds and needed reconciliation. Now I know these are the kind of things that everything in us wants to deny, explain away, coverup and forget. But, to be sure, ignoring sin is as deadly as ignoring cancer. “For sin when it is finished brings forth death” relationally, physically and spiritually. Bringing in truth brings in light. And like with plants, light is life giving. So, love pursues truth like our lives depend on it! So lovingly I have called people to open their eyes to the light and go through the painful adjustment to the truth with all its overwhelming ramifications and life giving power. This has been a two and a half year, heart wrenching process of very carefully and prayerfully addressing one particular issue with Grandpa, my siblings, and leaders in the church. Yet although what I have presented has been detailed, specific and direct, the responses have been everything from completely ignoring me, to, at best, evasive and dismissive. In all the responses not one of the details I have put forth was refuted and none of my questions have been given direct answers. The implications of this lack of response point to even greater, deeper problems that need to be addressed. How we relate to our past defines who we are now and sets the course for our future; individually, as a family and as the people of God. So, for the sake of Christ's name, the sake of His Church, the honor of my mother, the repentance of my father and those who have been complicit with him, for the healing of our family and for a strong foundation for future generations of Lyons', I will continue to speak the truth in love and seek to encourage others in that path. Unlike those who have determined that it is best to ignore this problem, I trust God to bring good from our bad if we cooperate with Him, which means, for starters, to relate to the truth and to one another. I believe the devil is the enemy; not my family. With truth I am fighting for our family, not against it. Truth and love are the means to victory in the battle for the Lyons family and the Kingdom of God. loving you with the truth, Uncle Tom
