A Thorough Response Dear Brother Danny, Although personal dialogue would be preferable, I am still glad for your recent letter to us siblings and the grandchildren. It is helpful to hear your perspective and get a clearer understanding of your position. And even though I thought it would be better not to indiscriminately include our Nieces and Nephews in this discussion, your letter needs a response to clarify some things that I believe have been misrepresented. To that end, I will go through your letter and respond to each of the points you have made. My responses will be noted by the following symbols: ✏️my thoughts ❓ follow up question 🎯 accurate/true/agreed ❤️ also appreciated ❌ not right It is helpful to see that we agree on many things and where I disagree, I will counter with what I know, so that we can work toward a fuller more balanced perspective. Our mother went to be with the Lord on April 4, 2015. She lived over 86 years and we were extremely blessed by her long life. ❤️Amen As she approached her mid-eighties her eyesight became poor, this meant that she could no longer cook or read. She had problems with orientation of where she was and what time it was, a mild form of dementia. For more than two years prior to her death she had trouble maintaining her weight. We will be ever grateful to Martha for moving in and caring for Mom during this time. ❤️Amen Her weight improved after Martha moved in but she still did not have a healthy appetite. She tripped over a phone cord in her house and fell and broke her leg. She went into the hospital where they reset the bone, and then she was moved to rehabilitation. 🎯True She was in rehabilitation three weeks ❌Actually: 14 days and Dad decided to bring her home. ❌Actually: Dad gave notice to the physical therapist on the Monday she arrived (during the intake process) that mom would be going home at the end of the week, which had to be adjusted because Martha wasn’t available. The decision to bring Mom home was not a family decision; this decision was made by her husband of 64 years. Tom was opposed to the decision to bring her home. He wanted her to stay in rehabilitation. This decision was not Tom’s to make. It wasn’t ours to make. We have spouses and children, and we have to make decisions regarding their health and well being. ❌Actually: although I disagreed with Dad’s decision I never opposed it. Furthermore, I have never thought it was anything but Dad’s decision. That was why I made inquiries, gave information, and made respectful appeals to Dad. In the same way, when I approached you, I was asking you to appeal to Dad, along with our brothers, to get a nurse to give medical oversight to Mom in her “acute care” condition. I was not looking to bypass Dad’s authority. These decisions are difficult decisions; 🎯Actually: Yes! ❓So, wouldn’t it be wise for Dad to seek advise and follow the directions of those more knowledgeable than he, for these difficult decisions? Who advised Dad to bring Mom home or told him that hiring a nurse wasn’t necessary? Secondly, wouldn’t it be loving to come along side someone who is faced with a difficult decision to ask questions and suggest options that may broaden their perspective? they [difficult decisions] can always be second guessed after the fact. ❌Actually: Mine is not an “after the fact” criticism or hindsight wisdom. My concerns (and her doctors’) were very specific and made clear before Mom’s stroke and death. Could our Mom have lived longer? Yes, with the medical technology available today she could have been kept alive. Is that what she wanted? No, she had made it clear long before, verbally and in writing that she did not want to be kept alive by artificial means, heaven would be just fine. Who spent more time with her than our Dad? Who knew our Mom better than our Dad? ❌ This is a “straw man argument.” No one at anytime was advocating for artificial life support or interventions related to a DNR. Once, the decision was made to bring our Mom home, Tom stepped back and was not as involved with Mom as he had been when she was in rehabilitation. 🎯True. ✏️I went from making sure someone was with mom 24/7 to being completely frustrated with my concerns for her. It should be noted that Terri’s Dad had a heart attack, open-heart surgery and was in the hospital during this same time period. Also I was being pressed by Spring work for my business. Nevertheless, I was to see Mom multiple times; four times I can remember, including all night the Thursday before Mom died. But yes, in retrospect, I wish I had made more time to be there with her. During the two weeks prior to her death, we did - visit, sing and pray with our Mom. Martha, our wives, Patti and Teresa were over at the house assisting often, and many of our children visited also. Mom was happy to be home, ❤️True: And I appreciate and commend all those that were there and helped. And I agree that Mom was glad to be home. but was looking forward to her eternal home, heaven. She was ready and wanted to go. 🎯True: ...I too! ❓But how would Mom’s anchored faith and longing heart be relevant to a discussion concerning what level or kind of care she should be given while she is here? Mom is in heaven and she’s fine, no more pain, no more forced feeding or forced exercises. She has a new body now. 🎯True: ❓But do you mean to imply we needn’t be as dutiful in our care for, or won’t be held responsible for neglecting, those who are believers because they will be better off? Tom did not like the decision to bring her home. ✏️True! However, my main concern was that there were no blood draws being taken to give the Doctor the information he had requested. He called “Social Services.” ❌False! I had nothing to do with that and did not know it was being done. They sent somebody out and they looked over her situation at home and were satisfied she was receiving good care. 🎯True: ❓But did Martha tell them that an INR had been taken the day before that showed that Mom’s blood was so thin she was in danger of a stroke? But, perhaps Martha was never told. I did not hear of it till the day after Mom died...from Dr. Crevier. ❌Either way crucial information was conveniently not discussed, by Dad or by Martha. Months after her death a complaint was filed with the Orland Park Police Department. They came out and found nothing. ❌Actually: That complaint was filed by the “PLOW” Dept. of Aging (“social services.”) The only other thing I know is that I declined to speak about it to the detective who called me. Since then, Tom has continued to propagate ❌False: To carefully and prayerfully address parties directly involved does not match the term propagate. In fact, you are the one propagating it since you have brought the issue up to the Nieces and Nephews who I was careful not to dump on. I am still being prayerful and careful. that our Dad was culpable in her death. 🎯True: The facts point to willful negligence and I simply point to the facts. We also are said to be culpable in her death 🎯True: complicit to be exact, because you knew of the danger or were at least told and not only did nothing, but defended the negligence. and were told by Tom that we did not love her, ❌Actually: I said “Love does not let people you love, do what endangers others or themselves.” And “You did not love Mom enough to appeal to Dad to get the care she needed.” I have no doubt that you love Mom. But, it was not love that motivated your inaction and defense of Dad. I believe your love for both of them must have been eclipsed by something greater. That should be given some serious consideration. because we didn’t follow Tom’s direction. ❌False: I never gave directions to anyone. I was concerned, asked questions, passed on information and appealed for a nurse to be brought in to give information to Mom’s Doctor. He has spoken or sent letters to us, our wives, deacons in our church and now to you. He is having a hard time finding people who agree with him. 🎯True. 🎯And yes, it’s hard to find people who agree with me among people who are “loyal.” But as I compare this situation to many others that involve wrong doing, abuse or corruption, I see, in political parties, money driven businesses, fraternal type organizations, churches and families; ignoring, excusing, and coverup is more often the case than not. I believe it’s because loyalty deadens the conscience and corrupts morality. That too, is something that needs to be given serious consideration. This issue is no longer about Mom. Tom says it’s about love and truth. 🎯True Love is a verb, that denotes action. Love was in action during the last two years of Mom’s life. Dad was there, Martha was there. Love was in action during rehabilitation; Dad was there, Tom was there, many of you were there. Love was in action in the last two weeks of her life, Dad was there, Martha was there, we were there, our wives and children were there. ❤️True: I am grateful for all who loved and cared for her especially Martha. ❌But, like with our children, who we may love in a thousand ways, that still would never be a basis to excuse negligence or abuse. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 🎯True: ❌But this needs to be used as a mirror not a sword. Our father was not the only one that was involved with Mom, in her last days, her children and many of her grandchildren and multiple people from Ashburn Baptist Church, doctors, nurses, medical professionals and others who loved her. ❤️True: They are all to be appreciated and commended! ❓However, were they not all doing their part to help while trusting his “wise, loving heart” to make the best decisions regarding things about which they had no knowledge? Did he live up to their trust? ...when he had no contact with Mom’s doctor or any other? ...when he had not arranged for a nurse to monitor Mom’s INR and other doctor requested info? ...when he didn’t even tell family members that an 8 day delayed pro-time reading revealed an emergency level INR? ...when he kept everyone, including Martha, in the dark about the subsequent stroke from which Mom died? Tom believes there was a conspiracy to take the life of his mother. ❌False: I’ve never said that or even thought along those lines. However, I see there is an, after the fact, cooperative effort to cover the actual cause of death and the negligence that contributed to it, as your letter fully demonstrates. Tom questions the motives not just of his father but of all the rest of these people. 🎯True ✏️And your “loyalty” has kept you from questioning anyone or anything! Paying attention, evaluating, and lovingly asking questions is healthy and life-giving. It’s an unquestioning loyalty that lead to mom’s stroke and death. Tom has said and written that he knows what the motives of his father, brothers and others were. ✏️Actually: only Dad’s; greed, pride, deceit, unfaithfulness (selfishness). I’m simply connecting the dots that create an even clearer picture than the constellations in the night sky. Above you have my version of the events. Tom has his own version of above events. ❌My “own version” exposed the charade. Yours continues it, which is demonstrated by your not referencing or refuting anything in my six-part document that detailed Dad’s negligence and the short expose’ on his sinful motivation. Tom has an agenda to go along with his version of events. ❌False: Agenda connotes self serving purpose. I have more of a mission, which is others focused; for Dad’s good and your’s, and everyone’s, who would benefit from a turning away from deceptive, divisive, deadly evil. The only selfish desire I have is to have a close, sweet relationship with my father and brothers. The agenda is to bring his father's name into dishonor and nullify his life's work, ❌False: ✏️My mission is to redeem my father’s name from dishonor and insure he doesn’t lose his reward for his life’s work. (see Ezekiel 33) and this supposedly honors his mother. He forgets that his father's life work was also his mother's life work. ❌False: Biblically it seems possible that one could be rewarded while another loses their’s because of a lack of repentance. This agenda is supposedly love and truth. If Tom knew his mother better, he would know that his father was loved and highly esteemed by his mother. When his father was attacked by people like him, Mother was the first to defend him, even when he wouldn't defend himself. She had tremendous loyalty to her husband. Tom’s agenda is not his mother's agenda. ✏️Part True: Now that Mom is gone, God’s grace has kept Dad alive, even through a heart-attack, so He can deal with him without troubling his faithful wife. Now I don’t need to please mom but rather do what God has called me to do, namely, call my father to repentance, seek reconciliation and strengthen the Body of Christ; or at least mark out the land-mines of spiritual corruption. This letter was not written to change Tom's mind or the path he has chosen. ✏️ “Love hopes all things...” I hope to change YOUR mind...and heart! It is written to remind you that the spiritual legacy that we enjoy is from our Lord Jesus Christ 🎯Amen! and we have been blessed to have parents who thought that knowing Him was the most important thing in the world that they could pass on to us. ✏️Although Dad did many things right and many point to him as a great benefit to them spiritually, unless he repents, Dad’s legacy will be overshadowed with deceit, division and death! Repentance, on the other hand, would exalt God’s righteousness and His grace. Dad would be modeling godly humility and potentially facilitate reconciliation in the family and possibly beyond. Now that would bring a celebration of joy in heaven! Our mother is in heaven but our father, your grandfather is still with us. Our mother, your grandmother gave us many Scriptures to think about and meditate on, she would want us to follow the Bible's command and honor our father, your grandfather while he is still with us. ❓Does honoring require me to ignore, excuse or cover sin? Have you considered how lovingly correcting is one of the things that should be included in honor? Sincerely, Daniel Lyons ✏️ Please receive all of this as a desperate plea for your soul. For surely, if darkness is accepted in one part of the heart the whole heart is in danger. i.e. “if right eye causes you to sin...” God is on the move to bring redemption from this great offense. If we leave this huge breach unaddressed it will continue to be a place of easy access for the hordes of hell to destroy our family and the Church of Christ. Let’s seek the Lord and each other for reconciliation and God’s glory! loving you enough to confront, Tom