Certainly, my fire hose of damning details that has flooded your mind with images of dereliction of duty is a call to moral responsibility. But admittedly, it is also a cry of pain from a heart torn in two. I have heretofore not sought pity or help for myself and even now entrust my healing and wellbeing to the power of Christ. Notwithstanding, I believe you need to consider the collateral damage of the dangerously deceitful and divisive actions of my father. Aside from my mother’s negligence precipitated death, I think I am as good an example as any of these devastating effects.
His, never repented of, choices that put money over the care for his wife, have given me the gut wrenching dilemma of having to choose truth and conscience over relationship with my father and brothers. I am being pulled to either affirm his actions as “acts of love”, which in effect would violate both reason and conscience, to say nothing of the clear teaching of scripture; or pursue the daunting obligation of confronting the evil in my father who I love with all my heart. Is there anything as emotionally demanding as confronting your own father? This I did, with the resulting alienations, most painfully, from my closest brother.
My dad’s choices also brought me face to face with the painful realization that the one who I had esteemed as the ultimate model of godliness, did not love his wife, my mother, who had faithfully loved him for 64 years! What else am I left to think? Every previous act of honor, kindness, deference, and provision is exposed as loveless and self serving in light of the willful deprivation demonstrated at the time of her greatest need. And if he didn’t love his wife, how could he love anyone? Then, if he doesn’t love people who he can see, how could he love God who is unseen? Finally, if he doesn’t love God, who has he been serving for the past 75 years?
Now if he wasn’t serving God, I need to evaluate how have I been misled? This all creates a crisis of monumental proportions. It’s like when there is a bomb threat. Everything has to stop and a scary search of every square inch of the building is made. I have to reevaluate every priority and motive; searching my heart and mind to test it by the Spirit and the Word. When you see how others have failed or been deceived, you question everything and everyone. The trust that undergirds my relationships has been destroyed. And I am even afraid of being a fraud myself.
I will grant that the pain I am going through is likely the reason that you who disagree with me have chosen loyalty to my dad. Denial is a reflexive reaction to potential pain. It may feel like a safe haven from this inescapable storm of conflicts, but only in your mind. Because denial doesn’t change reality; except possibly for the worse.
What I am telling you are just a few of the devastating results in my own personal life. It’s another reality that you can relate to or deny. I believe love must embrace the pain of difficult realities for the sake of others. But considering Jesus said, basically, you will find your life when you sacrifice it, this embrace of pain can not only be fruitful but also be rewarded greatly. To run away from the death to self pain, is to refuse to follow the call of our Lord and Savior. This would be a case in point in response to Paul’s admonition to “work out your salvation with fear and trembling.”