The day before Easter



Ruth Viola Lyons

November 20, 1928-April 4, 2015

This year, 2026, April 4th falls on the day before Easter, just like it did the year my mother died. So much of what happened and didn’t was related to this significant juxtaposition.

I would say Easter was the single most important day on my dad’s calendar. Why? Because more people come to church on Easter than any other Sunday of the year. So, everything gets maximum attention. Perhaps that is why his wife didn’t get as much attention during the last week of her life. On the Wednesday before Easter she ”took a turn for the worse.” But, on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday my dad was at church preparing for Good Friday and Easter. Then Friday evening he was back to church for the Good Friday service. Even on Saturday morning when my mom was obviously near the end, he headed off to his office at the usual time. It just so happened he was home for lunch when my mom passed away at about 12:30 that day.

Now he had to put all plans on hold to make some calls. First the paramedics were called. Then he reached out to the undertaker. They advised him to call mom’s doctor who would be the one to sign the death certificate. So, when he phoned the doctor, he was asked what happened leading up to her death. When the doctor got the whole picture, he determined that the INR/pro-time spike earlier in the week had caused a hemorrhagic stroke which led to her death. After this my dad likely had to call the undertaker again to make initial arrangements.

I was not on his call list. However, I did hear from my mother’s doctor. Since I was the only one who had communicated with him during the previous two weeks about my mom’s condition. He wanted to get whatever information he could from me before he determined the cause of death. When I responded to his, “How are things going?” as if mom was still alive, he quickly excused himself and said he would get back to me. It wasn’t until about two hours after the fact that I was informed of my mother’s death by my brother Charles.

But, after all the death related things were cared for, my dad got back to making sure everything was good to go for Easter when he would go ahead with teaching his adult bible class and preaching at both the morning and evening services. Notably, he made the calculated decision to hold off announcing my mom’s death till the end of the morning service.

I must admit, I too was guilty of being distracted by Easter preparations. I remember having to plant spring flowers at New Life Community Church in the planters by their main entrance before the Good Friday Service. I had visited Mom Thursday evening and ended up staying with her for the night. Then Friday, with hardly any sleep, I had to plant 10 flats of pansies and probably 18 pots of daffodils and hyacinths. I remember how heavy hearted I was planting those beautiful flowers to celebrate the resurrection while I processed the present reality of my mom dying.

Also, I had gone from being with my mom as much as possible when she was at Lexington rehab and coordinating a schedule for family to be with her 24/7, to after my dad brought her home, only visiting occasionally. I think I was relating to the fact that my dad had taken over and my input and presence was not welcomed.

Indications of this reality were, for example, when I initiated communication with my mother’s doctor and relayed instructions to my dad, the doctor’s directives were disregarded. Later he reprimanded me for talking to the head deacon about the lack of appropriate care considering mom’s vulnerable condition. He told me sternly, “You have crossed a line!” Then on the Thursday before she died, when I asked if I could stay with my mom for the night, he said, “What? Can you change a diaper?” When I said, I just wanted to be with her, he looked at me like I had two heads.

Nevertheless, I did stay and my dad went to bed, but got up every couple hours to check on her. Those were my final hours with her. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was personal. Thirty hours later, on the day before Easter, she was called by her savior to join the heavenly reunion.