JUNE 11, 2018
Dear Charles,
In response to your question regarding the evidence for greed, deceit, pride and unfaithfulness in relation to Dad’s provision of care for Mom, so far, I have only addressed the sin of greed. Here I would like you to consider some evidence for deceit. This cannot be done with a flyover survey. It requires an on the ground search where we look under the bushes and even do some digging where things have been buried. But, although this backtracking into the jungle of deceit will be detailed, it will not be thorough. A book would not be enough to detail all the layers and nuances of deception that contributed to burying Mom and this crime.
I am an unwilling messenger in that I wish there was someone else who would speak up. But alas, neither clear thinking nor boldness are anywhere in sight in regard to this issue. Maybe because, like me, no one wants their loyalty and love to be brought into question. But often we selfishly default to silence when love demands we speak.
Biblically, lies and death are intrinsically related. To pursue life, we must pursue truth and to pursue truth we must battle against lies. To be passive about lies and deception is to leave the door open to death. So was the case with our mother. Lies and deception led to her death. The liar is still believed and it has led to and will lead to further death; at least of relationships, but possibly even people's souls. And since I’ve seen that silence is one of the modes of deception, I would be complicit to this death dealing pretense if I too remained silent.
We need to clarify that usually lies by themselves are not effective to accomplish their self serving ends. Often the liar will shoot tranquilizing arrows that render those around him powerless both to see or fight for the truth. What are these arrows? Truths! ...unrelated, distracting, self-justifying & self-enhancing truths.
How is it that we would not fight against a lie? Usually, because we are confident we are fighting for the truth. But in reality we are fighting for a lie dressed up in truth. That is a key strategy of deceit. It’s like as if one of our enemies dressed up in the uniform of our own troops. Our instinct and training is to defend this fellow soldier. We think we are fighting for the truth when in fact we have been deceived into defending a lie. We have to come to see that no amount of truth worn by a lie changes the nature and danger of that lie. Name tags, badges, even metals of honor, only serve to increase the effectiveness of the disguise. They don't prove that it is not a disguise.
So, first let’s look at some of the camouflage that so effectively facilitated Dad’s lies and deceit.
Cover #1
Suit and tie
“Dress for Success” ...works for crime as well as career.
Cover #2
Credentials
They get Dad into restricted areas and out of normal accountability.
Cover #3
Supportive Family and Church
Ironically, the greater the number of trusting people there are around someone the greater the opportunity there is for coverup because trusting people don’t see a need to ask questions.
Cover #4
Dad’s demonstrated trust for medical professionals
Having pursued medical care for Mom after her fall and submitting to their recommendations for two and a half weeks, created an illusion that he trusted and depended on them. Also, it was demonstrated in what he said. I witnessed at the time of Mom’s intake to Lexington, Dad expressing an extraordinary level of respect, appreciation and giving conspicuous commendation to the presiding nurse.
Cover #5
A take charge demeanor
It says “I am a capable and responsible person. I’ve got this!”
Cover #6
No Visitors
This policy left church members with no knowledge of Mom’s real condition. So, for Mrs Lyons to be going Home was thought only to be a good thing; a sign of progress. One lady who volunteered for the afternoon shift said to me she wasn’t prepared to see Mom in that condition.
Cover #7
DNR
Although Mom and Dad had agreed to a DNR years earlier, the “Do Not Resuscitate” was applied by Dad to medical intervention for things other than heart and lungs and when Mom’s condition was not terminal; specifically when the emergency INR was discovered and also with the subsequent onset of stroke symptoms.
Now let’s look at some of the lies vs. truths related to our mother’s care and death.
Lie #1
Self-insured
Truth is...
After 2 weeks in an expected 3 month rehabilitation program, Mom was deprived of ALL paid professional care including her own Doctor. Self-pay is not the same as No-pay. This is covered thoroughly in the previous letter on greed.
Lie #2
When the Lexington Transition Coordinator, who was prepared to give Dad a list of home nursing care options, brought up the topic of home health care, Dad led her to believe that he would be using a provider his son had recommended.
Truth is...
No nurse had been lined up to monitor mom's health. Yes, I had given him a phone number but it was a caregivers network not a nursing or health care agency.
Lie #3
Money was not a problem
Truth is...
Spending money was! For example, when Dad heard that Mrs. Jacob could acquire a pro-time reading device at no charge he pursued no other option even though the free option further delayed the needed reading by 4 days.
Lie #4
She will be getting better care at home.
Truth is...
The team of medical personnel at Lexington which included an MD, Nurse Practitioners, RNs, PT, OT, Nutritionist, Speech Therapist and CNAs was replaced by our then 87 yr. old father, as the main caregiver; our dear Martha [sister], for 5 hrs per day, who although very committed and having experience, was nevertheless untrained; a pro-bono physical therapist and some other medical professionals from church who had no consistent involvement and none of whom had any connection or accountability to Mom’s doctor. And again, most notably, if mom was to be coming home to "better care" it surely had to include a means of monitoring her INR. Yet no arrangement for such had been made.
Much more could be said about the inadequacy of the home care in light of mom’s “acute care” needs.
Lie #5
I can handle this.
Truth is...
I was witness to at least one of Dad’s inadequacies when I came one evening to visit. He had me assist him in pulling Mom back toward the head of the bed because her feet were sticking off the end. This was something that would routinely need to be done that he was physically unable to do. Also, I was there when he tripped and fell over the power and remote control chords for the bed which I rearranged to minimize the hazard. Dad was physically endangering himself and Mom by taking on what a whole team of variously skilled and trained professionals had been doing at Lexington; ...where there was always more than one on duty at any given time for repositioning or transfers.
Lie #6
Mom was being cared for by “top medical professionals.”
Truth is...
This was a misleading statement because there was still no Doctor overseeing mom's case and no RN was consistently monitoring mom’s condition. By this statement, he was using the nominal involvement of these volunteers as a cover for gross negligence.
Lie #7
When I called Dad with Dr. Crevier’s request for a blood draw to be done and info to be relayed back to his office by noon the next day, Dad said to me “There will be a nurse here tomorrow afternoon.”
Truth is...
When I stopped in at around 1 pm the next day the nurse who was there said she had signed up only as a caregiver. I asked her if she was going to do a blood draw and get the requested info to Mom’s Doctor. But she said, she was not authorized or equipped to do that. It was apparent too, that Dad had not asked her to do anything of that sort. So Dad stated a truth to lead me to believe something that wasn’t true.
Lie #8
That medical professionals from Ashburn were giving the needed care.
Truth is...
Professional nurses from Ashburn were not asked to do regular visits and monitoring. Possibly the most useful help was given by the physical therapist Abraham Jacob, who volunteered his services and was there more frequently than anyone else. However, when his wife, a nurse, came with him on Tues. March 31 to take the 9 day delayed pro-time reading, they were both witnesses to an emergency level INR. Considering the fact that no emergency actions were taken and that not even the Doctor was called, and considering what they know professionally, these two are complicit. Instead of insuring the needed care, they were actually party to the negligence.
Lie #9
She’s taken a turn for the worse.
Truth is...
A day after the discovery of the emergency level INR, mom lost the ability to speak intelligibly or swallow food or liquid. Both of these symptoms are indicative of a stoke. But because, at the time, no one was informed of the high INR, it was easy to put forth this general statement in lieu of the facts. Since Martha was not there when the reading was taken, this must have been what she was told, because she’s the one who told me that mom had "taken a turn for the worse."
Lie #10
This is hospice care!
Truth is...
A hospice nurse from ABC was called in after the stroke to access Mom’s condition. But the nurse was neither secured to give care or consulted about standard practices. Furthermore, no pain meds were administered until Mary [sister] insisted something be done the night before Mom died, which ended up being too little too late. There was no comfort care!
Lie #11
Mom died of natural causes
Truth is...
Mom died of complications related to a stroke that resulted from an off-the-charts pro-time level that developed when her INR monitoring was neglected for 9 days. After mom's death, when I told Martha that the cause of death was a stroke, she said, “no, it was natural causes." In fact, no one seemed to know what Dr. Crevier had written as the cause of death on the death certificate, namely, cerebral vascular accident (the medical term for stroke.) Seemingly, stroke as the cause of death had been, at best, undisclosed.
Lie #12
We had everything covered
...or something to that effect. I’m just guessing what was said to the Orland Park detective who contacted Dad months after Mom’s death. All the previously noted deception tactics and lies were likely employed in distracting him from the fact that Mom’s doctor’s orders had been ignored and furthermore there was no communication with her doctor even when an emergency level INR was discovered.
Believing a liar is what tripped us up in the garden of Eden. It has always been one of the devil's primary strategies for causing us to fall. Whether it's a crafty serpent, unbelieving spies, a compromising King, false prophets or scholarly scribes, the devil has been deceiving and misleading God's people for millennia with all of the destructive and deadly consequences. Where we see destruction and death we can always follow it back to a lie and a liar.
Christ, Truth, Light and Love are one whole. Christ brings all of this redemptive power to every heart that welcomes Him in. If we bar the door against truth we are keeping Christ out too. If we close our eyes so we won’t see what we don’t want to see, we are closing out the light by which we can see the foot prints of Jesus. Your disregard for the truth can only leave you in darkness and without Christ.
But if we together follow His steps and “walk in the light as He is in thue light, [then] we [will] have fellowship one with another and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us of all sin.” If we pursue the light of truth, it’s natural effect will be to kill all the black mold of lies and deception that grow under the cover of silence and denial.
We’ve looked at the truth that can bring freedom and a foundation for rebuilding relationships. Charles, please join me in facing the truth, initiating discussion, pursuing understanding, finding agreement and loving God by pursuing reconciliation.
Loving you enough to tell the truth,
Tom
Link to: Pride & Unfaithfulness
Pastor Vernon C. Lyons