Where is God when everything looks so ungodly, even myself? Who do you trust when you have been burned by those you deeply trusted? I think of an old Michael Card song that says "Could it be that questions tell us more than answers ever do." I believe God is in the questions. I believe He is working in the context of my devastated trust to show only He can be trusted.
But, what to do with the resulting heart of suspicion. How can I function without trusting anyone else? I know I need to anchor my soul in the rock of God's love and faithfulness. I know He will guide me through the darkness of betrayal, rejection, loneliness and confusion.
But, I believe there are lessons to be learned from this journey, so it needs to be charted and documented. I think it is best done with a thorough sorting through what has happened and reflecting on why it happened. Then asking God for wisdom and insight that can redirect my soul (and others who are similarly abandoned) from this darkness into the light.
My story is unique in its context and particulars but common in its underlying causes and relational dynamics. So, to think through what happened over the past four plus years I hope to identify the root causes of neglect, abuse and coverup. If we successfully discover the causes, we may be able to better respond to the actual abuse, the abusers and the systems that sustain this destructive pattern. I don’t expect to be able to do any of this without my hand in God’s. Maybe the darkness will stay dark, but I know He will lead me through it.
